Happy Poetry

Since my poetry blog is pretty much just for my darker stuff I figure I'd put my happy stuff on here or at least this one. I just finished this one and I really like it. It's kinda corny, but it's sweet.

My Fairytale

There once was a girl with pretty blue eyes
She laughed all day, but at night she cried
For she longed for that fairytale love of her dreams
But it would never come true, or so it seemed
And then one day he was finelly there
The knight of her dreams, the prince of her prayers
Now both her days and her nights are filled with laughter
And in true fairytale faishion, they lived happily ever after

Wow, I haven't blogged in awile

So yeah, blogging really hasn't been on my mine much lately but seeing as today was a good day I think I'll give you all an update.

For all those interested, my poetry blog has had a few new editions since I last posted on here. So yeah, please go and check that out. Two of the newer poems, the contents really don't hold true anymore. That's probably because I was having a bad day when I wrote them.

I have joined the track team. My friend Levi said the one thing that would make sure I would join, "We have to do something together before you move." Pretty much you tag 'before you move' on to the end of something, you'll get me feeling bad enough that I'll cave in. So anyways, I am now a pole vaulter and not a very good one at that. But oh well, it's good to try new things and who knows I could get better.

I'm also doing tech for the musical and that I must say is a lot of fun. Now that we're done building everything we're working on secne changes, which for me means hanging out back stage and hugging all the actors. I'm fairly popular among the actors.

So other then poetry, track, and tech one more thing has happened to me since I last updated. I got a boyfriend, Cody. I really like him and I hope it works out because he is such a sweet heart, but one thing I'm afraid of is that this relationship will hurt us both more when I move. I told myself I wouldn't date anyone until after the move for that reason, but I really couldn't say no to him. I really like him. Well I guess it's better to have love and lost then to have never loved at all. Though the later would hurt less.

Not looking forward to this week....

So usually I love this time of year, but not this year. You see all the counclers are going around to the classes and getting everyone ready for next year and the teachers are suggesting what classes we'd do well in. I usually enjoy this because I like choices and putting together lists is an odd enjoyment I have. But this year it sucks because I don't get to put together a list. I shall remain without a class schedule until I move and start school in Virginia. I have a feeling that I'm gonna be crying a lot this week. I love my friends and I hate the thought of leaving them. In fact I'm totally tearing up right now, but that might be my contacts.

The yes and no's to poetry

So today in large group chem I decided to do what I always do in large group chem: write poetry. Because really large group is super boring and everything that is said in there will be repeated in small group so I don't feel the need to pay a great amount of attention in there. Plus I've come up with some pretty cool poetry in large group.

Any ways back to my point. I started to write a poem, and it sounded pretty good. It was about me moving and leaving behind the boy I loved but I felt that he didn't love me back. This is not based off of real life, because for one all the boys in my life love and care about me and they are all going to cry the day I move. So this is where the problem started, I was writing completely made up stuff and it felt like I was lying. Rule number one in poetry: don't ever lie! Exagerating is ok and making up a sinario as long as the feelings are true is perfectlty fine. But you just don't lie.

So in French class as I was reading through what I wrote and I just felt like it wasn't right. So I tore it up and through it away and I felt good about it.

Update

I went on a poetry binge today. I hadn't added anything to my other blog it quite a while and today I was very much inspired and wrote two new poems. So all those who care to check out Emily's poetic geinus just follow my link and I have 3 almost never seen before poems. Almost because Patrick has seen 2 of them before.

Picture!!!!

It may of taken a million years, but I finelly got a picture on my profile. Thank you Patrick for walking me through it, because I totally could not of done that myself. Me and computers don't get along. Also thank you to Morgan taking and photoshopping this awesome picture of me. Click on it a couple times and you can see it up close. It really is great. So yes, now you can all marvel at my beauty, lol j/k I'm not that stuck on myself.

I did it!!!!!

Ok so for about a year I've been complaining that I don't know who I am because I'm constantly hiding behind my acts. Well not any more, I have found the real me. And all it took to find her was a pleasent bus ride and some time alone in my room.

It all started yesterday while riding the bus home. I had my own seat, a rare luxaury on our bus, listening to my iPod and I just felt real. It was odd in those 15 minutes I felt like myself for the first time in my life. I knew in those moments that this was the real Emily. Of course the revilation was lost when this stupid kid was trying to show me some trick with his mp3 player, I ignored him and turned the volume up on my iPod.

The revilation continued today though while spending some time alone in my room. I had just recieved a bunch of new music and was bored out of my mind so I decided to go through and listen to all of it. As I was listening I got the sudden urge to dance. So I got up and just started dancing. And dancing really bad at that, but it didn't matter because that feeling came back and I didn't want it to go away. So I danced until my legs didn't want to stand anymore, about hour. During that hour though I loved myself, which is really an achievement for someone really bad self-esteem.

So here's what I learned about myself: I am smart, I'm comfortable with how I look, I'm fairly introverted, I enjoy having time to just be alone, and like to try new things. I dress kind of preppy, but inside I feel like I belong at a punk rock concert. I love reading and writing. I can't dance, but I do it anways. I'm boy crazy, but not really the tease people see me as. I'm somewhat inscure and I am terrified of people seeing me mess up. I guess now that I seen it in words I knew all along this was me, but some of my acts were just hiding me from myself. Now the trick will be to be myself all the time, not just when I'm alone.

I'm tired

This week has been soooooooooo long and it's still not over. I can't even begin to tell you how long and drug out it has been because it's just that bad, plus it might bore you to death. But any ways I think it has to do with this being the first week of Nicole being gone. Everything was upbeat and fun when she was here now I go to school and look for the person who's suposed to step up and fill her spot but I can't anyone. In a way I guess I've been trying to take up her postition but it's not working because I'm not as funny as her and I'm missing the giant boobs.

My mom is gone as well so that sorta adds to it. I love my mommy and I can't wait until she comes home. I really missed her when she wasn't there for me when Nicole left.

Tech started. That's pretty fun, but I really only have one good friend there. Plus there is this stupid little kid that drives me insane! OMG he is the appidamey (sp?) of stupid freshmen. He thinks he knows exactly what to do and that he can do it better than anyone else. One day I'm gonna knock him over the head with a hammer when no ones looking. But for the most part I like it, it's something new I've never tried and I'm not super bad at it. I usually really suck at building things and painting, but I haven't messed anything up yet so I guess I'm not as bad as I thought.

Math this sememster is kicking my ass. It is sooo hard that it makes me want to cry. I'm really not cut out for honors math class and I want to kill Mr. Vogal for thinking I could handle it. Chemistry is getting harder as well. Science and math my two least favorite subjects are the ones that are getting tougher, why? If they were throwing harder English stuff at me I could probably handle it but no. I hate school.

So pretty much I am completely exahuasted from this week. The thing is though is I'm afraid all the weeks left until I move are going to be like this. I hope not or else I'll never survive.

Blah

This morning I lied in bed and decided that I was not going to get up. Not because I was lazy and tired, but because I thought if I slept through the day it would be like it did not happen and that way I could call up Nicole on Sunday and she'd be home to say, "Hey, what's up?". But it didn't work because I ended up getting out of bed still, and not only that but I showered and dressed and have continued my usual Saturday rutine. So Saturday did come and Nicole is gone.

Yesterday was pretty terrible. A bunch of my friends and I went to the movies to be Nicole one last time. The movie I hated because parts were so stressful I felt like I had to cry for the character and in the end everyone was with the wrong person but some how happy with it. I refused to be happy just because they were, the ending was wrong whether charactors see that or not means nothing to me. Well after the movie we stepped out of the theater and were standing there talking, giving good bye hugs. When I got to Nicole I stayed with her for a moment and out of no where tears drenched my face and her arm. This caught me completely by surprise because I had yet to cry since I found out about her moving. Well my crying caused a chain reaction of crying until all the girls there were crying. After getting over my tears a little bit I left. Since I'm the only one of my friends that can drive, I was the first one to leave.

That was the last time I saw her. I'm not sure when the next time I see her will be or if there will be a next time. My mom said I can have her over to our new house in Virginia this summer, since she will only be a few hours away when we move. But I don't know what's going to happen. It's funny how I'm so upset over her leaving when I'm going to be doing the same thing in 5 months. I guess I just didn't expect her to go first. But if this is what it feels like to have one friend leave, I can't fathom what it's going to be like leaving all my friends.

How life crumbles

When I started this school year I came into with little hope of it being any better than it was the year before. Quickly I realized though I was dead wrong. I found myself a kinda new group of friends and they are just the most fantastic group of people ever. I have had some much fun this school year with these people, and even when I found out I was moving it didn't get me down because at the time I still had 9 months with them. 9 months I expected to make the most of, but somewhere between Nicole and Patrick breaking up and yesterday this awesome life fell to peices.

You see, I made the mistake of flirting with my best friends. Chris, greatest British guy I know, kinda fell in love with me. But I really don't feel the same. Then the couple we all thought would last forever, Nicole and Patrick, broke up. This is okay, but sorta made things awkward at the lunch table. Few months later, my best and really only girl friend, has to move. And it's not like me where she gets to finish up the school year before she goes, nope this weekend. I thought my moving would be the saddest thing to happen this year, but boy was I wrong. So Nicole's leaving me to be the only female at the lunch table, surounded by nerdy boys who have crushes on me. Could this year fall lower?

There are still a few good things left, Morgan and I have been really close lately. I'm doing tech for the school musical with Patrick which has the potentional to become really fun after we get to know everyone and actuelly have something to do. Oh well I guess I'll just have to wait to see if things get better.

Update

I put up another poem, for any one cares to read it. Though I'm starting to realize not a lot people actuelly read my blog. That doesn't bother me though, I just like having a place to put my thoughts down.

Emily 2005

Jan. - Just got out of a relationship with Chris, went to North's winter forma with Jonnie.

Feb. - Started dating Morgan for the third time.

March - Started Driver's Ed. (blah!)

April - I got my car!!! I loved loved that car. (I think it was this month)

May - My sweet 16, it sucked. Broke up with Morgan for the third time.

June - Summer school. Crush on Erin, but it didn't last because he was retarded and obviously didn't like pretty girls.

July - 6th Harry Potter book, wasn't as good as I expected. Got my driver's licenses. Nicole came over for a week and we almost killed each other. And I'll never forget the 13th.

Aug. - Thoughts of moving started, Mom had her job interview in Virginia. Start of my sophmore year. My first car accident, totaled my beautiful car before I could even use the heated seats. I was given the nick name "The Temptress" and it's stuck.

Sept. - Mom got really sick and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. All hopes were dashed for my sisters because my mom got the job in Virginia. Started dating Dustin.

Oct. - 90 days up, I'm the only one I know who actuelly followed that rule. I'm such a loser. Broke up with Dustin.

Nov. - Patrick and Nicole broke up, and for a moment the world stopped because of it. Or so it felt like. Viki comes to visite with Erika and her fiance. The 4th Harry Potter movie came out, it sucked.

Dec. - Winter Formal. I went with Morgan and I had sooooooooo much fun. I've also been going to a lot of parties this month, which brings out a scary but exciting part of me.


And that was my year. Ups and downs, goods and bads I know I won't forget 2005.

Love Poems

So I wrote a love poem yesterday, first one ever. It's up on my poetry blog if anyone's interested. What's different about this compared to all my others, besides the contents, is that I was actuelly neverous after I wrote it. I was afraid it might be too corny and everyone would hate. Usually when I write a poem I don't care people love it or hate because it's my stuff, I wrote for me. I just choose to share it with others. This I wrote for a friend of mine and it's really important to me whether he likes it or not.

This might sound stupid, but I cried while writing it because it's about me moving and leaving him and how I really don't want to. It's all true, so I guess my emotions just got the better of me. So if that's gonna happen everytime I write a love poem I don't think I'll ever write another one.

Merry Christmas!!!!

It's Christmas eve everyone! Be excited! Actuelly I'm not really that excited. Getting older has made Christmas less exciting and more stressful. Because when your older, you worry about how much money your parents are spending and you worry about if you're getting the right gift for your guy friend who is impossible to shop for. When I was little none of these worries exsisted. All I cared about was that Santa's coming and he better have brought me the damn My Size Barbie I always wanted (I never got mine).

Now the only thing I look forward to in the year is my birthday, which is once again being over shadowed by moving. We always seem to move around my birthday. So this year, my birthday is more about mourning my leaving then celebrating the day I was brought into the world.

Anyways, now that I've depressed everyone..... Have a very merry super great fantastic fucking Christmas! Lol, I love you all.

The Temptress

I am a flirt, no doubt about that. My nick name at school is "The Temptress". But you know what, some times being a temptress really really sucks. You see I have no rules on who and who not to flirt with. So I just flirt with everyone, which tends to get me in trouble because some boys are off limits. I don't like limits though, so I ignore them. Other times I flirt with guys who are my friends, but other than friendship there is no other feeling there. This tends to lead to giving guys false hope and I end up breaking their heart.

So you can see my problem. I don't know how to stop flirting and most guys don't want me to stop, but if I don't I'm just gonna leave behind a trail of broken hearts and ruined friendships. I think sometimes flirting is my way to make sure guys like me. In elemetry school I was always so jealous of the girls who had boyfriends and were popular. Now that I'm older and I'm finelly one of those pretty girls I take every oppertunity to prove to people I'm not the ugly kid any more.

Lately I've been talking with my friend Patrick about the acts we put on. Patrick is so good at being himself all the time and I want to be like that. So I've been naming all my different acts and deciding whether or not they really are me. The Temptress is another act for me, I made her up so that more people would like me. And at events like parties she completely takes over. So for the most part I need to get rid of her, not all because I think the real Emily is somewhat of a flirt as well, but she's not me. The real question is though, who's still gonna like me when I've found myself? Who's going to like me for me?

Update

For all those interested, that may just be Patrick but oh well, I'm gonna tell you all when I add a new poem on my other blog. So yes everyone go, quickly, read my new stuff and I hope you like it.

About Me

My name is Emily. Most of the people reading this probably know that already but, for all those other people, Emily is my name. I'm 16, but depending on my mood my mental age spanes from 2 to 25. If you were to define normal, you would most likely not be discribing me. I wear ties every Thursday and I wish my boobs were bigger. My hobbies include reading and writing depressing poetry. I would currently die without my cell phone, though I rarely get called. I use my purse as a weapon. My fish's name is Ms. Poodlebilbo and my dog's name is Cucu. And that is pretty much me in a nut shell.

So, yeah this is my new blog because my old one sucked. I'll try to post as often as I can. And for anyone interested I just put a new poem on my poetry blog and incourage everyone to read it, just click on the link at right.