I did it!!!!!

Ok so for about a year I've been complaining that I don't know who I am because I'm constantly hiding behind my acts. Well not any more, I have found the real me. And all it took to find her was a pleasent bus ride and some time alone in my room.

It all started yesterday while riding the bus home. I had my own seat, a rare luxaury on our bus, listening to my iPod and I just felt real. It was odd in those 15 minutes I felt like myself for the first time in my life. I knew in those moments that this was the real Emily. Of course the revilation was lost when this stupid kid was trying to show me some trick with his mp3 player, I ignored him and turned the volume up on my iPod.

The revilation continued today though while spending some time alone in my room. I had just recieved a bunch of new music and was bored out of my mind so I decided to go through and listen to all of it. As I was listening I got the sudden urge to dance. So I got up and just started dancing. And dancing really bad at that, but it didn't matter because that feeling came back and I didn't want it to go away. So I danced until my legs didn't want to stand anymore, about hour. During that hour though I loved myself, which is really an achievement for someone really bad self-esteem.

So here's what I learned about myself: I am smart, I'm comfortable with how I look, I'm fairly introverted, I enjoy having time to just be alone, and like to try new things. I dress kind of preppy, but inside I feel like I belong at a punk rock concert. I love reading and writing. I can't dance, but I do it anways. I'm boy crazy, but not really the tease people see me as. I'm somewhat inscure and I am terrified of people seeing me mess up. I guess now that I seen it in words I knew all along this was me, but some of my acts were just hiding me from myself. Now the trick will be to be myself all the time, not just when I'm alone.